The Five Stages of Grief

Selling a business can take you on a rollercoaster that looks a lot like grief

The end will look different for everyone, but a clear pattern has emerged over the years: letting go of a business is a process. A damn hard one that can take some people years to work through. Not many people have come to me already in the 'acceptance' stage. Some may know that they need to make a change, but that doesn't mean that they are emotionally prepared. For those of you in business, you know that being an entrepreneur bumps up against your livelihood, ego, identity, relationships, etc.

Let's explore what it looks like for you and your business to travel through the stages. This is also one of those things that's obvious in hindsight, but we're too close to see when we're in the moment. Being able to identify where you're at can save lots of time and heartache along the way.

Let's rip the band-aid off and talk about it. 🩹

I think it's important to note a few things before we get started. I'm not a licensed therapist. I'm making connections between things I've seen in the field and the commonly accepted stages of grief.

People sell their businesses for many reasons, and selling a business doesn’t equal failure. People sell because they're wildly successful and they're ready to capitalize on their hard work. People retire. People move across the country to be with their families. People get sick or loved ones need caring for. Life changes. People get divorced. Some people love the act of creating a concept, building it up, selling it, and doing it all over again.

Does just saying the words, "i want to sell my business" freak you out? It does for most people. In fact, it usually takes people longer than you'd think to get to that point. Maybe you're not even at the point where those words have entered the vocabulary. So, what does denial look like?

Your rent is late, you're avoiding the calls ☎️ of the landlord, your accountant, and the annoying guy that signed you up for that shitty fiber internet. Sales aren't great, but you tell yourself that after the holidays it'll pick up. Despite this, you keep telling yourself “It’s cool”. You spend more time practicing this little mantra than you do trying to help yourself. While you're busy putting your head in the sand, the clock is ticking.⏱️This can be the most destructive place to get stuck. People here can end up alienating family, friends, and their team, defaulting on loans, receiving the dreaded eviction notice, tax liens, lawsuits, etc. It gets really messy real quick.

Selling is not selling out. The most important thing I can tell someone in this situation is to save yourself. There comes a point that self-preservation trumps ego, pride, and the money you may have lost. As salty as you may feel, going down with the ship shouldn't be a badge of honor. 🏴‍☠️

Incredulous. That's the perfect word to describe people stomping around in the anger phase. What does anger look like in the context of selling a business? Ok, you've made it past the denial phase, but you're mad as hell. You've decided to sell, but it's going to be on your terms--period! Who better to take that out on but your broker? 😂 (kidding, kidding…)

One of the first steps in selling a business is diving into the financials, reading the lease, and developing an understanding of the concept, history, and location of the business. The valuation is then presented to the potential seller. Would you believe I once had an agent get a gun pulled on him because the valuation wasn't to the seller's liking? True. I've been yelled at, seen my hard work crumbled up and thrown across the room, and I've just been told, “Get out. I never want to see you again”.

Business owners in this phase are like wounded animals backed into a corner. They are hurt, but they lash out when you try to help them. Let's face it though--some people are just assholes and you can't help them no matter what phase they're in. Oops, did I say that?! 🫢

How does a seller move through this phase? They may not. I’ve seen a good amount of business owners close, or even worse continue to operate themselves into bankruptcy. But! Some do manage to get out of their own way and list their businesses. Over time they’re able to process the feedback they get from the market (and their trusty broker). This can look like lowering the price, offering financing, or loosening their grip on the terms. In short - they become more reasonable and may even start to see their broker as an ally, not an enemy.

The bargaining phase may be the slipperiest of all because it’s masked with good intentions.

Let's lay out the same scenario as the denial example: Your rent is late, and you're avoiding the calls of the landlord, your accountant, and the annoying guy who signed you up for that expensive direct mail campaign. Sales aren't great, but you tell yourself that after the holidays it'll pick up. This is where the paths shift. Instead of putting your head in the sand, you dig in deeper. It's after the holidays and the sales never picked up. Damn! You decide that things would be different if you started opening up on Sundays. That was your family day, but it's cool. Sundays are the answer! Now you're working 7 days a week, but it's cool. If you just offered workshops on Saturdays then that would move the needle. You're exhausted, so you hire a general manager. After two weeks, payroll bounces. It's cool, you think--you'll bounce back too. ⛹🏼‍♀️

Are you worn out just reading this? This is what I call the hamster wheel of death. It's when a business owner keeps trying new things to save the business, but not out of a place of abundance but out of fear. I'm all for trying new things, but this behavior is different. Bargaining like this is like an accelerant to a fire that’s already raging.

Business is hard. It can be hard on marriages, friendships, finances, and our self-esteem. So it makes sense that some big feelings show up, especially toward the end of the business life cycle.

When business isn’t going great, it takes a toll emotionally. 😔

Here's how this shows up in the context of selling a business: You've gone through all the motions: you've contacted a broker, set the price, and your business is on the market. On the surface, everything is cool but really, you've given up. You've stopped posting on social media, you don't book bands anymore on the weekends, and you've decided it's best to stop having the weekly team meetings. Your business is on the market, so why bother? You know what? Buyers can spot the results of this 'why bother' attitude from a mile away making what once was a vibrant business seem a bit broken.

Words of wisdom: if you put your business on the market please stick with it till the end. Don't give up!

Acceptance is simple: your expectations are in line with reality and you are ready to do what it takes to sell your business. 🙌🏼

Sure, that sounds great but the biggest tell of someone that has accepted their situation is honesty. Honesty with themselves, and their broker (if you're going that route). You're done putting your head in the sand and are ready to face things head-on. You aren't pulling guns on people or yelling at them when they try to price your business, You've committed to stepping off the hamster wheel and living in the present. Sure, things didn't go the way you planned, but you're ready to do what it takes to move on to the next adventure.

It's like the first four phases are just muddying the waters so the truth can't be seen. Once the haze of emotions clears, it's much easier to move forward. Not everyone makes it to the acceptance stage and the path isn't always linear. Some people get stuck in the denial phase which could look like bankruptcy or eviction. Some people with deep pockets could frantically tread water in the bargaining stage for years. You get the idea, it's messy.

Talking with someone about your business situation is invaluable. Having guidance can help you move through the process faster and without getting caught on as many thorny bits as you would going it alone.